The Otei Report: Mirth, Wind and tyres.

[Otei85]

Evening all.

Those of you that read both mine and Andy Shep's race reports from Donington will remember that we both made the statement "bring it on".

Now unfortunately, this statement seems to have been carried across the country, slipped beneath the waves and smacked Poseidon in the mush who was having a quiet kip at the bottom of the Menai straight. This hacked him off so much that he informed old Zeus upstairs that we wanted them to "bring it on". This sadly, was the reason for the 3 days of ridiculous weather that was hurled at us when we first arrived. Andy and I apologise for the inconvenience and will take greater care over our choice of words in future.

Me and Matt T set off on the Thursday with a van brim full of crap and pot noodles. As it turned out, we wouldn't really need the pot noodles due to the culinary magic that was provided by Trudi. Great skills The only down side is that I now have pot noodles for tea for the next week or so.

When we arrived we parked the van in the scrutineering bay. Well I say "bay", it was more of a scrutineering shanty town. Fortunately, it seemed to offer enough protection from the ludicrous wind and rain and the potentially lethal giant ninja star that was the frantically spinning wind turbine on a stick. I think everyone that passed it considered decapitation at some point. All except the bloke who lit a big flaming BBQ in the scrutineering love shack next to a row of petrol filled motorcycles. He just considered the insurance claims as enormous flames were spewed towards the bikes by the wind. Genius.

After a surprisingly good nights sleep in the van, we woke to similar weather. I wondered if the organisers would even run the trackday in these conditions, and I was nearly right. They didn't actually let us out in the morning and kept sending Guinea pigs out to see if they came back with all limbs intact or skewered through the visor by an out of control Albatross. When this was mentioned in the briefing, (going out on track, not losing of limbs or bird strikes!) one of the instructors started to remove his leathers with a cheeky look on his face. very funny

We got a few decent sessions in despite the wind and having added some preload to try and cure a bit of running wide in the turns I was pretty happy. Apparently the running wide is as much due to the nature of the track than anything, but the bike wasn't quite right, that was for sure. I got down to about 1:23's by the last session I did and packed up early, confident that I could improve upon that. Thanks to Simon the No Limits instructor who followed me around and gave an appraisal of my riding. His summary:

"You like the colour green and butterflies and will forge a career in underwater fudge making"

Actually, he said I looked good but definitely needed to get the bike to turn better. We sort of knew that, but it was good to have it confirmed by someone else.

I had decided not to ride on the Saturday, and for the first part of the day this was looking like the wisest decision I'd ever made. The wind was once again in full angry, pis sed off teenager with a zit on it's arse mode and was merrily trying to turn the lighter bikes' riders into scuba divers without their consent. Kate, Erin and my Mum and Dad arrived midday, and we buggered off to the local Sea zoo for some entertainment.

As we were on our way, I rang Chris P, who supplied the awful news that John and Claire had been involved in a nasty coming together at the hairpin and were not in a good way, particularly Claire, who wasn't moving. I kept up to date with proceedings and felt even worse as a paramedic hurtled down the road past us in the direction of the circuit. Matt rang me to let me know that they had airlifted them to hospital. Get well real quick guys, glad you're (relatively) ok. Every racing couple's worst nightmare...although one of those girls gossip mags would probably love to pay you for the story. I get a few hundred quid if they take you up on the idea, ok?


We had booked into a B&B for the night, and who should be kipping in the front room on a put me up bed, but Marco Simoncelli Charters and his brother Jim. Not only did we take up all the beds, but we also commandeered the dining room the next morning. Sorry about that Will, but you've got to stake your claim ya know!....you're just fortunate that Erin didn't nick your bacon as she sauntered past!

We managed to find the remotest seafood restaurant that night. It was an accident as we were getting petrol. It was right down next to the beach and served awesome grub. Lobster was fresh and tasty. I hadn't eaten this well since...erm...the night before and the night before that at the Palmer residence! If you go to Anglesey, find the Lobster pot, it's the Crabs nipples!

At last it was Champeeeenship day, yessiiiree. Shep had taken the honours in both races the day before, the gills behind his ears flapping furiously as he held off the onslaught of Sam West, who according to onlookers simply forgot to brake for the first corner every lap and consequently took about 8 bike lengths out of Andy each time. It wasn't to be though and shep grabbed the wins.

Qually was still a bit damp, and as i teetered round I was saying to myself "it's super grippy in the wet" over and over again. It didn't really feel like it though, and Harriet Ridley proved it in a very graceful display of Gluteus maximus skating through Church. Every lap I came past the pit wall my crew were waving me on to go faster. Every lap I considered giving them the finger. As it turned out, they were right and I missed the front row by literally a whisker. Sam West had done a great job and put his 583 on Pole, Matt Lawson was in there somewhere, along with crasher Ridders who had done really well to still be in front despite so few laps. Andy was in second. I wasn't very chuffed as I figured you'd want to be on the front row to avoid getting boxed in at the first few corners.

In short, i jumped the start. I figured I had as soon as i did it, but then bizzarely forgot about it as I chased Shep the holeshot man. He quickly put a bit of a gap into me but I clawed it back and passed him into the hairpin. The bike was absolutely all over the shop, sliding and running wide everywhere. As it turned out, I wasn't the only one and most riders complained about the grip levels, despite it now being bone dry. I got slides in the hairpin most laps and was nearly out of the seat once.

It looked like there was oil down and several riders were waving at the marshalls to get something done about it. The solution was to hold out an oil flag a few races later. Hmmmm. Backmarkers came into play and I got a pretty cack run at them, but still managed to keep Sheps tail unit close. I considered a block pass on the penultimate lap into the final corner, but despite dropping down a gear further than usual to gain some drive out of the corkscrew, I couldn't get close enough to fully commit to the pass. Then I decided that it would be a good idea to change down to first gear and completely screw things up. Doh!

As it was, it wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference anyway, as I got a 10 second penalty for my crimes. Luckily, we'd put in enough of a spurt that I still retained second position overall and the 20 points that went with it. It had been a good dice and very enjoyable, but obviously I was a little upset. I went round to see Shep and offer my congratulations, who simply pulled his trousers down, waved his todger about and said "look at that for a real Monster, Tiny Tim". I ran away. Quickly.

I think that the Karts had dropped a haze of oil over the circuit, because Kate said that in the race prior to mine, one of the Karts had been smoking like a chimney really badly all the way round in the race. I had more slides in a dry race than I've had in my entire time in DD. It was fun at times and all very Moto GP, but a bit sketchy to be honest.

Race 2 came around pretty quickly, and once again I was under pressure to come from behind.

This time I didn't jump the start, but Sam and Andy beat me to the first corner. I went underneath Sam at the hairpin and started to chase Andy. Instantly the grip seemed better and I closed to within inches of Andy, block passing into the tight left hander at the top of the hill. Things stayed like this for a lap or so until Andy drew along the inside on the blast up to the hill and I gave him the line rather than squeezing him at such a fast bit of the track.

We stayed close for a few laps and I had a look where Andy was quick and where I could gain. It seemed that I was stronger through the first corner and hairpin, but would lose out through the fast right kink, so I set it up a couple of times and then passed into the hairpin. I just knew that Andy was close behind and got my head down, keeping slightly defensive lines for good measure. A couple of backmarkers fell quite kindly and I went over the line to see the last lap flag, that was then instantly replaced by the chequered flag. I punched the air then realised that it might be a mistake and got my head down again. A few corners later I could see that it was ok and relaxed, what an amazing race, my favourite to date.

Bonus was that I grabbed the lap record again with a 1:20.09.

I could see my family going bonkers at the top of the hairpin on the slow down lap which was cool and also sponsors Andy Green Cliff Meakin with their mate Brendan who had made the trip over to watch. They had missed my win at Donny, so it was cool to have them there.

So we're level pegging again. At this rate we'll have to have 2 championship trophies cos they won't be able to seperate us.

The journey home was pretty funny. We came across Mr Cobby and Ridders with their caravan hooked up to the transit. We employed a stealthy attack up the outside and I hung my bare, hairy arse out of the window as a little something to entertain Harriet as she attempted to eat her dinner. God knows how she managed that, haha!

We than arrived at Chester services, where an immensely talented and toothless HGV driver had gotten his rig stuck in the entrance to the filling station. This also happened to be the exit to the motorway and held up a queue of cars and a whole car park full of irate drivers. Chris P was one of these, and also Antoine Josserand. Now Antoine was only a couple of cars ahead, and had his bike on his trailer. I hopped out of the van and snuck onto the bike while it was still strapped to the trailer.

Expecting Julie or Tonio to see me, I was waving at them in the rear view mirror. They didn't and drove forwards with me on the bike. A bunch of chavvy kids were laughing their burberry covered asses off as I rode the trailer racer. I then looked at Julie who was driving and caught her eye. Her face grew horrified as she mouthed some Frenchness to Antoine about a loopy Brit on the bike. He looked very relieved when it was only likkle me being a hooligan.

Big shout out to a couple of peeps.

Freak and Lilly, obviously.

Brummie Dave riding the seemingly cursed Satans pet motorcycle. Glad it's a dislocation not a break. That was actually Rob Frosts girlfriend that took you out mate, I think she's got a bit too much of Frosty in her...erm...so to speak. Ahem.

Sam West, who I think is perhaps related to Anthony West. Great riding all weekend.

All the noobs that got stuck in, and Andy Shep for being a great rider to race with.

Thanks once again to all my supporters and of course Matt T and Chris P, whose 2nd race changes to the bike made all the difference. thanks guys.

Snetterton next bring it o.....er, I mean. Lets have some spiffing racing.

Otei #85

[CK & AK]

Brilliant write up Timmy-tiptoes, as usual you made me larf lots - specially the bit about riding Froggies bike in the petrol station!

CK

Well done - good luck at the next one! from us both

[Otei85]

[Otei85]

Originally Posted by CK & AK

Brilliant write up Timmy-tiptoes, as usual you made me larf lots - specially the bit about riding Froggies bike in the petrol station!

CK

Well done - good luck at the next one! from us both

Cheers C, It was a larf

Sorry I forgot to answer your email I didn't get any more shots on track of the boys unfortunately, I was too busy trying not to drown in when it started raining!

How was Pembrey?

[CK & AK]

Originally Posted by Otei85

Cheers C, It was a larf

Sorry I forgot to answer your email I didn't get any more shots on track of the boys unfortunately, I was too busy trying not to drown in when it started raining!

How was Pembrey?

Check out the Thundersport section on this site Timmy-boy - a lot drier & more sunny than norf wales for sure!

[Mrs H]

Entertainingly laugh out loud. I think maybe you should give up your day job (unless writing is your day job of course). A cracking account - and great to spectate!

Will definitely seek out that Lobster place next time. Holyhead's Travelodge didn't have much to offer and I think your evening was more entertaining than ours as we tried to get two youngsters to sleep and then found out that the DVD player we'd brought for entertainment was not working!

Will look forward to more battles and more battle stories!

[Ghost]

Excellent read.

[trouty]

arf arf arf!!!

hopefully see you at snetterton

[andys 900ss]

Great read as always fella

Must get a camera fitted to the bike, you were seriously out of shape in some of those corners, how we managed to stay onboard.

Must get my report sorted.

Andy

[Otei85]

Originally Posted by andys 900ss

Great read as always fella

Must get a camera fitted to the bike, you were seriously out of shape in some of those corners, how we managed to stay onboard.

Must get my report sorted.

Andy

That's a great Idea, you should get one of those BBC ones that weigh about 10kgs and put it on the tank dude..hehe.

Twas most slippery at times indeed.

Pull yer finger out (not your todger) and get that report done fella!

[Fastfasulli]

Enjoyed the report

[gsxrshed]

cracking report mate,much hilarity,it seems you have more than just a talent to ride a dd fast,
and i agree about the track i was honestly going to pull in on sunday qually i thought i had dropped my oil filter it was that slippery,
i did meet bridey,she came and gave me a kiss as i lay with bits sticking out,which could have been worse as all i had on were my pants of protection,still sh*t happens,
just going to arrange an excorsism for satans pet penguins bike or change my race number to 666 !!mmmm.

[Rattler]

Nice work Timmeeeeee - I didn't miss it at all !!!! :sulk:

[Chris.p]

I think it might be time to start writting that book, each meeting seems to make a chapter
Well done Tim, Matt now knows what I went through standing on the pit wall last year looking after him
Looking forward to that first double win at Snetterton then


Chris.

[Couchcommando]

If only your riding was as good as your writing skills.....oh it is and you won again, nice results and nice write up as usual